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| Dad and Mom after his stroke. |
With the miracles of modern medicine comes the consequence of choices regarding quality of life and resulting end of life decisions. A friend recently shared a quote she heard. "We are not living longer, we are dying longer." When you are the guardian for a parent with dementia, the decisions can be excruciating. You are constantly trying to balance your duty to carry out their wishes that they made known when they were of sound mind with your wishes as a loving child to do all you can to make their life good and have them around as along as you can. You need to above all put their wishes before your own and become their strong, loving advocate.
My brother and I went through a difficult time making those decisions recently when our 89 year old father who has dementia suffered a stroke. We dealt with decisions regarding how much testing was necessary and what testing was considered invasive. Pacemakers, feeding tubes, rehab, IV drips, MRI's, Barium swallows, CT Scans, DNR orders, hospice, etc. When you are in a crisis you depend on the recommendations of doctors and they each have their own view. You have to gather all the information that they give you and filter it through the wishes of your loved one. It is exhausting and you find yourself second guessing every choice you make.
I heard this interview on Fresh Air with Terry Gross this week and it spoke to so much of what we went through. I recommend everyone give it a listen and perhaps buy the book. This is about 50 minutes long and well worth the listen. Above all fill out a living will or a Five Wishes Pamphlet and discuss now with your loved ones what you wish as you age and approach end of life. It is the kindest thing you can do for them.
